My thoughts after a particular arrangement conference.
by littlemissfuneral
Today was a busy day. We had three death calls and I was the funeral director who met with every family. Now to my bigger firms, three calls may not seem like a lot, but for a smaller family run funeral home, well, let’s just say I was constantly on the go during this twelve-hour day.
All of these deaths were unexpected. Two were in their fifties. One was just doing some physical rehab. All families were devastated. These circumstances obviously made for *really fun* arrangement conferences. (Sarcasm, guys, sarcasm..)
Anyways, during one of these conferences, a daughter of the deceased casually commented on how she was “so happy” that she was donating her body to science so her kids didn’t have to go through “all of this”.
I commented on how great it was that she was donating her body to science, since the act does benefit others, but quietly wondered to myself what she really meant.
You see, during arrangement conferences, I often cannot say exactly what I’m thinking. Because it’s not about me. It’s about the honoring the dead and working with their loved ones. But now, I do want to comment on that little remark. Because even though donating your body to science is a great thing, it does not save “anybody” from going through “anything.”
If you choose to not have a viewing, your family will grieve.
If you choose to have a full funeral service, your family will grieve.
If you choose to have a green burial, a direct cremation, or a celebration of life, your family will grieve.
You cannot save your family from the heartache that death brings.
You can, however, make it harder for your family, by not talking about your wishes.
You can make it harder for your family by not having a will.
Prepare for the day when your heart stops beating. Love your family with everything you have. And don’t you dare believe for one second, that when the day comes, that they will not mourn. Having a funeral is not a chore. Having a funeral is an opportunity to say good-bye. To acknowledge that a person mattered and made a difference in our lives. Regardless of how you personally choose to honor that person, that funeral is a sign of respect.
little miss funeral
Reblogged this on Sunday Drive.
Thank you for the reblog!
I assure you, that will not be the last time you hear words like that. No expert advice here, but I think people in general just want to avoid the whole “death thing” Body donation seems like a noble way to do that and an easy way out. I learned the foundation for a simple response from Todd VanBeck, many years ago. “Insert name here, It is great that you want look out for your children and spare them pain. Grief is the emotional, not intellectual response to loss and whether they are at a funeral home with their families and friends supporting them or home alone, it’s going to be a few, really bad days. Why not have a chat about it and see what they think?
Heeeey. I love what your doing. I started training at a local funeral home yesterday and I don’t know why my entire life I found funeral homes and business kinda creepy. I recently lost an aunt and a dear friend of mine and it peaked my interest. I had a brief encounter with the staff and I realized that some people don’t realize that they are serving both the deceased and the living. I relaized that I really needed to see my friends face. Her death was unexpected and I needed closure. The staff was so busy informing the rules that they were making me anxious. Then it was how they told me NO. Anyway, after asking the 3rd staff member I got a yes. I realized that serving in a person’s celebration of life is just as important as clebrating their birthday, wedding, and anniversary among other things. It is a special day, and the final moment of rememberance and it must be done with grace, respect, you have to be sensitive to the atmosphere, the supporters of the deceased, it was alot.
Then I realized that maybe it bothered me because God wanted me to do something about it. So I spoke to my God father and he made a call and we’ll got the ball rolling. I was absolutely amazed by how precious the entire experience is. It is actually a ministry. You are responsible for so much when a family intrust you with themselves or their loved ones final celebration. The protocol, the logistics, the government, the spiritual side, the order, I mean it was truly beautiful. And if you provide an pleasant experience for them, it is an unforgettable one. I don’t know anything about the business. I just love to serve God and His people or people in general. I enjoy finding the beauty in things and I always attributed to the beauty in love feel, but there is actually a beauty in death if you can get an understanding about it. I am eager to learn the different sides of the business and to serve and help in whatever capacity that I can.
I wore a black knew length dress my first day with a black and cream scarf. I wore flat black leather shoes. I am wondering what is appropriate attire for each event be it a wake, memorial, funeral, meeting with the family etc? Also, are flats inappropriate with the amount of time that we are standing in a day? All input, wisdom, and nuggets are much needed and greatly appreciated.
Hiiiii, extremely knew to the industry and really eager to learn. Not sure about the important terms and rules. Are there any absolutely do not ever do under any circumstances that I should concern myself with. Or is there anything that is common practice or the norm that I should know that I’m not aware of because I’m a newbie? Please advise.