Why I’m always thinking about my death.

by littlemissfuneral

Any time I pass by a cemetery I think if I’d like that to be my eternal resting place.

Any time I hear of a tragedy I think of what would have happened if I had been there.

Any time I hear of someone passing away from an illness I think of how I’d react if I would have been in their shoes.

A lot of people may see this as me being a pessimist. Why would I spend my days thinking about all of this negative stuff? Why don’t I just focus on the happy things in life?

Because life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies.

Working in a funeral home, I am surrounded by more death on a daily basis than most people will have to face throughout their entire lives. When you’re surrounded by something constantly, it’s difficult to not think about it. But I see the death in my life as a blessing.

By understanding that everyone I love will one day die, I am able to cherish every moment I have with them as if it were my last. I don’t have the luxury of saying, “I’ll reach out to them tomorrow” because tomorrow may never come. By thinking about their deaths, I am able to truly appreciate and love them with everything I have in this moment.

By constantly thinking about my own death, I am able to live my life in the here and now. I think to myself, “If this is my last day, how would I want it to go?” This thought doesn’t mean that I live recklessly by completing bucket list items, such as skydiving or participating with the Running of the Bulls, but instead, making me think about my actions.

If I die tomorrow, I want to be kind to every person I meet today. If I die tomorrow, I want people to say that they enjoyed my company. I want to tell people I appreciate them and that they matter to me.

And sure, some days, maybe I will have opportunities to live a little more recklessly. Sometimes, I think that people don’t understand that it’s not necessarily the experiences you have in life that matters, but who you surround yourself with. If I never make it to Italy, in the end, it won’t matter, because every single morning  get to wake up next to someone who loves me. That alone is enough to make my life rich.

But above all, when I die, I do not want my last moments to be of anger or hatred. I want to close my eyes and feel love inside of me as I slip into my next life. That way, I can be surrounded by the greatest love there is and tell Him that during my time on Earth, I tried to show others the love, forgiveness and compassion that He has shown to me.

You see, I am always thinking about my death, so I can savor every moment of my life.