“It’s nice to see you again, Mr…?”
by littlemissfuneral
Yesterday an older man approached be during a visitation and gave me a warm hug and a kiss on the cheek.
He asked me how I’ve been, brought up an old employer and congratulated me on my recent marriage; all with a smile on his face. I made small talk with him, smiled back and told him how nice it was to see him again.
I still have no idea who he was.
Last week, I made arrangements with a family and when I opened the door for them, I was greeted by a young man who immediately hugged me. He looked me in the eyes and said how he never would have thought he’d see me in the funeral home again just three months after we buried his mother-in-law.
It took me two days of going through death notices to remember which funeral I previously served his family on.
I have been in the funeral business for about four years now. In that time, I’ve served about five hundred families and ushered them through the death process. Those families have ranged from 2-10 close members, who I often had direct contact with. And sometimes, after a funeral is complete, I just don’t always remember everyone.
It really gets to me, when a person approaches me thanking me for serving their family when their Uncle Fred passed away, and I process every single Fred that I’ve buried in the last four years trying to make a connection. It’s not always this way, there are many people who I’ve made personal connections with and when I pass them in the grocery store or at a restaurant I’ve asked them how they’re doing and how they’re holding up. I like to think that I remember more people than I forget, but once again I am only human.
The thing is, I am the funeral director. These families remember me because for about 72 hours, I gave everything I had to them, hoping to make their journey a little easier.
But one thing I want people to know is that, even if I do not remember serving you right away, I am the person I am today because of you. With every funeral, I gain more knowledge and understanding about life, death and people. I learn different ways to communicate with the grieving and I dig deeper inside of myself to serve in the most fulfilling way possible. So even if I pass you in the grocery store, and don’t remember you by name, please know that by being your funeral director, I have grown more as a person than I would have ever thought possible. And I know that as time goes on and I serve more families, there will be more names I can’t recall and faces that I can’t place. I am, however, comforted by the fact that I know I will have been changed as a funeral director and person for the better because of these people. And that they will be just as much apart of my death care journey as I am to theirs.
little miss funeral
Nicely put, with sincerity.
This is my 17th year in the business – it is so hard to remember everyone!! Usually I will eventually figure it out or look it up!! It only gets worse!! Love your blog!!!
And I thought I was the only one who could not remember the names….
I describe a bit differently.
I am priviledged to be able to interact with and assist people who are going through a crisis. More often than not, I am involved in multiple situations of varying degrees of inensity. As one crisis ends, another is sure to quickly takes it’s place. We “move in” and then two or three days later, we “move on”.
It s difficult for this old undertaker to remember it all and having been taking these journeys since 1978, there is a lot to remember…and a lot to forget.
Just remember to use the old funeral director trick and go check the guest register (when they are not looking) when you can’t remember their name. Then use their name when they leave.
Plus I’ve found that I can remember where their house is, because I made the removal or delivered flowers there, but I have the darnedest time remembering the name.
My dad won’t remember what he had for breakfast, but he will remember every detail from a house call in the middle of the winter of 1972. He’s been at 44 years. But they all remember him. And I find that awesome.
You’re a great writer. Enjoyed this post.