When the human overpowers the funeral director.

The past few days have been difficult.

You see, the past few days I’ve had a couple of different arrangement conferences that, well, for lack of a better term, kicked my ass.

They have been physically and mentally exhausting. For my fellow funeral directors out there, you know what I mean. Just down right draining. I had one arrangement that took me over three hours. The family had loads of questions that I did not mind answering, but at the end of our meeting I was done. If I would have had to meet with more families that day I would not have been able to because I had given my all to this one. The next day I had a double arrangement, for a husband and wife who passed away naturally a day apart. Needless to say, after that meeting I was drained as well.

And to top it all off at midnight, I received a pricing call from a gentleman who tried his very best to get my services for free. And who persisted that he wanted to get my services, you know, for free.

After a half hour on the phone where I told him that yes, we could help him and yes, he’d have to pay us I hung up feeling so very very tired and defeated. I yelled at my husband when he tried to talk to me all the while getting back into bed. I pulled the blankets over my head and cried.

There are days when this job is difficult because I do not have an ounce more of energy or compassion to pass along. Days when I don’t feel whole as a human and ponder how in the world I’m going to be able to serve another. Days when I just can’t do it anymore.

Somehow, I am still shown more grace that I could ever deserve. Somehow, I crawl into bed only to wake up the next day and keep moving forward. When I feel like I can’t do it anymore, that’s when I’m able to lean on the support from my husband (even when I yell) and coworkers (even when I yell more) and I keep moving forward. Because what I do matters.

Sorry for being absent. I’ve been taking time for me.

You know how it goes.