Reactions verses reasoning. The funeral home version.
by littlemissfuneral
Some days I wake up and can’t even grasp what the heck I’m doing with my life. Other days I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock and try to forget what I’m doing with my life so I can get a few more minutes of sleep.
One thing that I really wish I knew was what my grandfather would have thought about me becoming a funeral director. He was always working in my Uncle’s funeral parlor. Answering phones, parking cars or just hanging around. I wish I would have known if he would have been proud of his only granddaughter becoming a funeral director. Or if he would have looked me in my eyes and called me crazy.
I get so many mixed reactions. Some people are fascinated and ask me a million questions. Some people look at me like they’re disgusted. Some people think that I’m wasting my youth. And you know, every one of them hit the nail right on the head.
My job is fascinating. Everyday is different. Every case is different. There are so many learning opportunities. You can’t help but to learn and grow at every turn. And yes, there’s that whole ‘dead people’ aspect that just draws you in because it’s so foreign.
My job is disgusting. In my short time of working in a funeral home I have seen some causes of death that would have a normal person tossing their cookies in the nearest garbage can. There have been some homes that I have gone into that have been straight out of a horror film. There have even been some families that have caused me to question humankind because of their attitudes and actions.
I am wasting my youth. I’m not going out every night partying. Heck, I’m hardly going out at all. I’m not being selfish. I’m choosing other people over myself. I don’t have the responsibility of a ‘normal’ twenty-two year old.
It would have been really cool to sit down with my grandfather and talk about all of these things with him. I would have enjoyed to listen to his opinion on the business from a perspective of being ‘in’ the business without being consumed by it. And I would have been interested to hear his stand on female funeral directors. And young female funeral directors. Maybe I’m a funeral director because I’m fascinated with the work. Maybe I’m a funeral director because the job grosses other people out. And maybe I am wasting my youth. But when you do something for another person; I mean, really do something for them that you know in your heart to be true and good, well, that’s a feeling that no one can take away from you.
When my grandfather died I put a purple stuffed animal monkey in his casket that held a heart that said “I love you.” And it doesn’t matter if he would have been proud of me or thought that I was crazy. Because I loved my grandfather. And when you love people you want nothing more to honor and dignify them, especially in death. And that’s something that I can do for people. And that makes me turn over in the morning, look at my alarm clock and get up.
little miss funeral 
I love reading your blogs Lauren, and I enjoy reading about your work.for whatever reason I find it interesting. Perhaps you are “wasting your youth” but in my opinion the “waste” is in the eye of the beholder.
I read your words and they are quite reminiscent of what brought me to become involved with end-of-life issues, mourning and bereavement. When my father passed away five years ago – on the holiest of Jewish days – I was fortunate to have been invited into his postmortem care. It helped me settle matters unsaid, weep at the tragedy of his loss and find meaning in the rituals (not necessarily the liturgy) of the Jewish approach to dying and death.
We show show respect for the deceased and support grieving. Our ways are simple and represent customs meaningful to us. We bury our own. I’ve been volunteering to do this for nearly five years and it’s become the central focus of my spiritual self.
I’m not writing to suggest one culture’s approach is better than another’s. Obviously we reject embalming, public viewing of the deceased, cremation, fancy caskets, etc. But these are all part of the business side of the field you are preparing to enter.
What resonated for me was your dilemma, per se, and I can only offer the support that whatever culture one comes from, we need to talk about death. We need to understand that how much people deny, it’s something we all face. Different strokes for different folks might well be the lessons you learn once you obtain your license and deal with different families, cultures and requests.
I read that your motivations are true. That what you are pursuing is honorable, valuable and necessary. If you can remain grounded in your approach it will only help you help others when they need you the most.
Well written Lauren. Oh, and for what its worth, I am INCREDIBLY proud of you for what you do. You take an incredibly difficult job, in soooo many ways, and do it with Love, Respect, and like you said, help people keep their dignity in tact, all the while, putting yourself second. You are a rare gem in this crazy, weird world. And I’m very thrilled that you are a part of our family. Love you tons. Lori
What you do is beautiful and very important. Much respect to you for the path you’ve chosen to walk.