The Undertaker’s Prayer: Lauren’s version.

by littlemissfuneral

Hello all, sorry I’ve been a little absent lately.

As you can imagine, work has been so busy that I have had little time to do anything but work. Tired and stressed can’t even begin to describe my days. Lucky for me, my guardian angel stopped by in the form of a fellow funeral director. And what might you ask happened? Well, I was given a prayer. But not just any prayer; The Undertaker’s Prayer.

I would like to share it with you now.

The Undertaker’s Prayer

Lord, today I wake to a new day.

Please grant me the patience

to go through today with calm empathy

for those I comfort during the most

distraught moments of their lives.

May I listen, console, and heal.

May I embrace them within my arms

and be their strength as you, my Lord,

have done so many times in my life.

May I be just, fair, and honest.

May I care for their loved one

in a dignified manner.

May I never forget that they are your creation.

And thus my Lord, I ask that you watch over my

family, who I surrender in order to achieve my destiny.

Lord, embrace my family within your loving

arms and be their strength, as they try to

comprehend my commitment to my profession.

Lord, may you distinguish my frail and

weary face that fateful day, whereupon I’ll

be by your glorious presence.

I humbly kneel and pray,

In the name of Christ my Lord.

Amen.


I just want to start by saying I wish to kiss whoever wrote this prayer. It would be disgraceful to say this is anything other than perfect. Because you see, when you read it I’m sure that you thought it was lovely. Only those in the funeral profession, however, truly understand the deeper meaning and hidden messages throughout this prayer.

Let me break it down for you.

It says: Lord, today I wake to a new day.

It means: Lord, I guess you really wanted me to go into work today.

It says: Please grant me the patience to go through today with calm empathy for those I comfort during the most distraught moments of their lives.

It means: Even though my phone rang five times in the middle of the night and I’m running on no sleep, please give me the energy I need to show this grieving family that I do want to help them, even if I don’t particularly care at this moment in time to listen to the story about how dad had his tonsils removed twice.

It says: May I listen, console, and heal.

It means: I am not a spiritual healer but maybe I could borrow some of their skills for the day.

It says: May I embrace them with my arms and be their strength as you, my Lord, have done so many times in my life.

It means: God, if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed this morning so if a hug would make this family feel better I know I could spare a few.

It says: May I be just, fair, and honest.

It means: Even though this family should have read my “There’s a time and place for CFM shoes but the funeral home isn’t it.” post I will not judge them. But if they ask my opinion on whether the booty shorts are appropriate to wear to Mom’s wake I will be fair and honestly tell them no.

It says: May I care for their loved one in a dignified manner.

It means: Seriously though, this is someone’s father. Treat them as if they’re your father.

It says: May I never forget that they are your creation.

It means: Even if this deceased person wasn’t always the best person, everyone deserves a decent funeral.

It says: And thus my Lord, I ask that you watch over my family, who I surrender in order to achieve my destiny.

It means: Since I’m never home and always working, maybe you could pull a few strings and make sure my family is taken care of?

It says: Lord, embrace my family within your loving arms and be their strength, as they try to comprehend my commitment to my profession.

It means: Since I’m never home and always working, maybe you could pull a few strings and make sure my family isn’t too mad at me when I don’t come home for dinner?

It says: Lord, may you distinguish my frail and weary face that fateful day, whereupon I’ll be by your glorious presence.

It means: When you decide you don’t want me to go into work and call me on up to meet you, please disregard how tired and sickly I look. And I also really hope that all those movies are correct when they show an escalator going up to Heaven because you know I won’t be able to walk all those stairs if not….

It says: I humbly kneel and pray.

It means: Since I’m doing a Corporal Act of Mercy I am so Gosh Darn tired that I can’t bear to stand anymore….

It says:In the name of Christ my Lord.  Amen

It means: I’m doing this for you, Lord. Amen

So as you can see, this prayer is everything that a funeral professional would ever need to pray for. And I know how I’m going to start my remaining days. By saying this. And by really, really hoping that Heaven has an escalator.