When good people say bad things.

by littlemissfuneral

Hello lovely readers, it’s been a while. I hope you haven’t missed me! Actually, I really hope you did miss me, but that’s not the point. The point is that I’ve been super busy with life. And by life I mean work. Plus my brother’s wedding. So yeah, it’s been hard to find time to write.

By this time you should have some basic knowledge about me. One may be that I don’t ask for much. I mean, when I die, I just need my loved ones to follow a few basic rules. First, I only want pink flowers at my wake. I guess if you wanted to do some pink/white combinations I wouldn’t haunt you, but seriously, pink better be the main focus. I also ask that Mumford & Sons “Awake My Soul” be played at my funeral. If you could get Marcus Mumford to actually sing it I’d talk you up to the Big Guy. My last request and most important one; DO NOT eulogize me.  Please for the love of God, do not eulogize me..

You see, the perk of being so busy at work this last month is that I’ve worked with many amazing families and I’ve done a lot of funerals. For some reason, people think that the most important part of the funeral is this “Eulogy” thing that we’ve gotten into the habit of doing. I just don’t get it. Humans got it into their heads for some reason that we need to honor our deceased by talking about inside jokes that no one gets, that “one time is Vegas” story or my favorite, “let’s talk about every accomplishment Dad has achieved since he popped out of the womb”.

A funeral is a place for mourners to come together, grieve and honor the life of a loved one lost. I believe that honor is the key word here. I cannot tell you how many bad eulogies I have heard in the short time I’ve worked at a funeral home. I do not understand why people feel it is appropriate to share stories about the deceased to others that include such topics as “party days”, “that one time we got so drunk and ….”, “all those times we’ve broken the law and never got caught”. And I swear to you, I’m serious. I witnessed one eulogy that was so utterly inappropriate that my mouth literally fell open and I had to walk away.  I can’t even get into details about it because the fact that I witnessed it is still so tragic to me. I’m trying to forget.

If you are still so inclined to have a eulogy do me one favor. Make it classy. Don’t tell stories. Tell lessons. The person that you lost was important in your life, that’s why you’re honoring them at their funeral. We don’t need to laugh about that time Grandpa got so drunk at Thanksgiving that he threw-up on the turkey. Instead, we need to know that Grandpa was the man who taught you the lesson of a good days hard work.

Here’s a better idea! So many people are having programs made for funerals. Maybe you could take accomplishments or things that your loved one was proud of and write a little paragraph there. It can be a token. A “take-away” that people can leave with. Your words will be written and they can re-read them. Plus, you can have someone sensible proof read it to make sure everything you say is okay.

And remember this. If you vote “no” for having a eulogy it’s basically a fool-proof way of making sure you don’t embarrass yourself in front of family and friends. Unless you fall on your dupa at the cemetery, but I can’t really help you there.