There is a time and a place for “CFM” shoes, but the funeral home isn’t it.
I’ve been a little busy at work. A very public and important man passed away at the beginning of this week. His wake was yesterday and today. Two full days of flowers, people and “Can you please sign the register book for the family?” I’m tired. But a topic was brought up today, in the middle of the wake, with such a large amount of people coming in and out of the funeral home. People watching is easy after all, at times like these. I found it to be such an important one that I needed to write about it at ten thirty at night.
Clothes. I love clothes. Anytime anyone wants to go shopping I’m in. I don’t even have to have any money and I’m in. That’s the amazing thing about credit cards. But this post isn’t about my shopping addiction, no. It’s about what is and isn’t appropriate to wear to a wake and a funeral.
Now, on my “off” days, and by “off” days I mean days that I’m working but there is no wake/funeral going on, I wear some pretty questionable things. I like to think that everything I wear is appropriate to an extent; however funeral home appropriate…well, that’s another story. Suits are boring. Seriously, they are. I mean, a suit is a suit. You can’t do anything with it because, it’s a suit. Get my point? So on my off days I like to freshen things up a bit. Now, I almost always wear black. I can’t seem to escape it. When I’m shopping black just calls to me, “Lauren, over here! Buy me!” And being the caring person I am, I buy the lonely black garment. I give it a nice home. What can I say, I’m just compassionate like that. Anyways, black dress shorts, short skirts, hot red pants sported with a black blazer or my favorite, my black velvet shirt are a common sight. By the way, the shorts and skirts are always worn with black tights so don’t worry. My boss hasn’t yelled at me yet for anything I’ve worn. But I like to think that he’s just letting me express myself how I want, because on days of wakes or funerals, you better believe that I’m dressed to impress.
This is the number one question I ask myself when I’m shopping for my funeral clothes. Does this outfit/shoes say, “I’m sorry about your loss, talk to me about your grief.” or “I’m sorry about your loss, let me slide up and down this pole for you.” Seriously. Ladies, ask yourself that question and you will be golden. The main objective after all is this- if you’re standing in the parking lot, would a gentleman offer you money to get into his car, or offer you his hand to walk you into the building?
I’m a big fan of big shoes. Standing at a whopping five feet two inches I have every right to be. But, there is a time and a place for big shoes. You know, like when you’re downtown getting drunk and trying to pick up men. And short skirts. If you bend over to give grandma a hug and Uncle Ed over there can see your dupa then it’s a little too short, I’m sorry.
And I’m not forgetting about you fellas either! What ever happened to the old fashion shirt and tie? A sport jacket would really top the look off, but I understand maybe sometimes it’s a little too warm for them. Jeans and shorts. Not okay. I repeat, NOT okay. You look like a bum. Please, don’t be a bum. Plus, the ladies really love a well dressed man. Seriously, they do. I’ll give you an example. If a man walks by a woman in a military uniform, fully decked out, I can almost guarantee that the woman will do a double take. Even if the man looks like his head got rolled over by a truck and he’s missing all his teeth. The woman is just so impressed that the man looks so dashing in his uniform that she overlooks the small detail of his face. At least at first. But you get what I mean.
A great point was brought up during this conversation at work. Why do people go to wakes? One answer may be to show respect to the dead. Now, let me break that down for you. Respect. For the dead. Respect. Wakes are also meant to show support and share memories. Wakes are not a place for a hot beach body contest. Now, I’m not saying you need to dress like Modest Molly over there, but business casual is always a win. So, one last brief reminder, booty shorts, jeans, flannels- not okay. Sport coats, dresses, suits- very much okay. And when all else fails remember this, at a wake and funeral no one wants to see what your mama gave ya. Save that for this weekend.